Hellmouthian: a BIC Tale
by J. Maria
Summary: Buffy didn't find an Immortal in Rome.  She kinda found one in Cardiff, though. A Birthday Insanity Challenge tale.


Series: 23 for 23  
Title: Fourteen: Prince Charming Figure  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-15  
Disclaimer: I own the World Walker, Joss Whedon owns BtVS, RTD owns Torchwood.  
Spoilers: _Serenity_ and Series One (to be safe)  
Series Summary: Twenty-three stories and crossings of worlds (read: insanity) to celebrate twenty-three years.  
Part Summary: She didnt hook up with an Italian Immortal, she settled for one in Cardiff.  
Words: 623  
A/N: First quote comes from the third into, second comes from _The Man Who Would Be King_ by The Libertines. For the revisions and seperations on FanFiction dot net - ignore the mentions to the 'intos'. Because the fics were split from the collections (i.e. 21 for 21, 22 for 22, etc.) the intos containing just the World Walker, my original creation, were removed as they could be considered 'original fiction'.

Dedication: To xgirl2222 for the fandoms and prompt.

**__**

23 for 23

  
Fourteen: Prince Charming Figure__

There was nothing worth wanting. The gift she got was a face of reality scooped up with the need to continually pretend that it was going to be just fine when she knew it was never going to be 'just fine' again.

They'll take you away, they won't like what you say.

* * *

Buffy Summers didn't want to think about the fact that Spike was alive and apparently shacking up with Angel's crew at Wolfram & Hart. And he hadn't even bothered to call. She'd had to hear it from _Andrew_! Which was why as soon as she'd heard Andrew had blabbed her location to her two undead exes, she'd hopped a plane back to England and demanded that Giles give her something to do in order to burn her anger at them off.

She puffed at an annoyingly curled piece of hair that kept drooping into her eyes. Wasn't it supposed to be constantly raining all the time in England? It wasn't supposed to be sweltering and stuffy! Well, the stuffiness she'd expected a little bit. It was the home of Giles after all.

"Where the _hell_ are all the monsters!" Buffy shrieked to no on in particular.

"Just follow the bedamned Torchwood SUV," an old woman huffed behind her, shocking the slayer as she pushed her walker forward.

"The what now?"

Buffy's hair was blasted back as a big SUV with blue lights whipped past them, the word TORCHWOOD emblazoned on the side. The old woman shook her head in annoyance.

"Drivin' fish-men, people exploding in pink powder, great big shadow beasts hangin' about for weeks and she doesn't know about Torchwood. Bloody foreigners," the woman huffed, pushing forward.

Not that Buffy was really listening. She was racing after the secret service SUV. If there were monsters afoot, it was _her_ job to get rid of them not Torchwood's.

* * *

"What do we know about it, Toshiko?" Captain Jack Harkness leaned against the wall, wishing he wasn't such a slave to his jacket. A man had a certain image to uphold in this town and a heat wave be damned.

"Nothing we've ever seen before," Toshiko Sato sighed, pushing her glasses back. "You've never seen anything like it before, have you Jack?"

"Nope," Jack's face lit up. "Something new. I like it."

"Only you would get gleeful over the prospect of a dangerous and unidentified alien creature poppin' up in Cardiff," Gwen Cooper shook her head.

"It's not an alien," a voice popped up from behind them.

Jack, Dr. Owen Harper, and Gwen all turned toward the voice with their guns drawn. A petite blonde woman wearing leather pants and three inch heels with a designer t-shirt hunched over, the heat getting to her. Jack inched towards her, curious at to just who - or _what_ - she was.

"My god, I have never gotten winded _running_ before! There's something seriously _wrong_ with this place if _I_ get tired of running!"

"What'd you mean its not an alien?" Owen frowned at her.

"Seriously, did you guys crank up the heat - or is it some kind of hellmouth-ian uber heat wave?" the blonde pushed herself upright. "It's a Leynia demon. They get their jollies off by eating the toes off of their living victims. I bet you've got a lot of toeless people hobbling around town."

"She's right," Tosh said, scanning through the files. "Twenty-seven reported cases of people having their toes ripped off while they were conscious."

"Not conscious for long. Imagine having your _toes_ ripped off while you're awake," the blonde shuddered, her hand pulling out a mobile from her pocket. "Talk to you later, Dawnie. Thanks for the info."

"Who _are _you?" Jack got _that_ gleam in his eyes.

"Buffy Summers, and you four must be the infamous Torchwood."

"How -"

"Seriously, if you're gonna be a 'super secret demon hunting squad', don't go driving around town in a flashing SUV with your name on the side. Kind of gives everything away."

"Aliens." Jack stepped closer.

"Huh?"

"We hunt aliens, not demons."

"Aliens aren't real."


End file.
